still on hiatus but found this laying in my folders collecting dust SORYR
of course!! feel free to do so as long as you credit me somewhere ⌒_⌒
oh my fucking heart nooo you are SO SWEET oh my goshhhhhhfl;kdls;
hey to all my followers, i realize that i’m an awful communicator with you guys, proof being that this is the first time i actually try to talk to you at all, haha.. i just wanted to say thank you for supporting me and/or my work, or maybe even just tolerating me on your dash. in all honesty, a whole bunch of things aren’t working out in my life lately so im going to have to go on an indefinite hiatus to sort them out, (if you’re interested in reading about them they will be under the read more), but i wanted to express my gratitude before i left.. and thank you for hearing my voice.. and make me feel like my thoughts and creations actually mattered at one point to someone, somewhere. thank you for all these moments of laughter and tears over OTPs, thank you for those deep moments of thought over the oppressive social structure we live in, i look forward to tumblr with you again sometime
(made rebloggable by request)
wow you anons are just full of love this week, huh? bunch of fucking cowards. go get a hobby other than being a faceless douchebag on the internet, jesus christ.
I assume you’re addressing this post? If that’s too many words for you to wrap your brain around, have the short version:
1. Nezumi in the canon timeline is abusive to Shion. Full stop.
2. Nezumi’s past does not excuse it, but it explains it. It’s fucking stupid to pretend that an abuse survivor’s past doesn’t matter in the context of a present-day relationship, because that shit sticks to your skin for a long goddamn time. Relationships with abuse survivors are messy and there will probably always be some element of abuse and dysfunctionality - the trick is finding a partner who is okay with that.
3. Shion makes the conscious decision to stay with Nezumi and love Nezumi the way he is. He’s not trying to “fix” him. Shion is not afraid of Nezumi and Nezumi does not hold power over him. Abusive relationships have an inherent power imbalance where the abuser uses their position of greater power to intimidate, harass, and abuse their partner, and while that’s what Nezumi is trying to do here because he’s fucked up in the coconut and has dumb defense mechanisms, Shion is not intimidated.
Get it? Shion’s holding the cards here. He could leave to go live with Rikiga, but he chooses to stay. He is not trapped. He is not hurt when Nezumi is being hurtful. He makes the conscious decision to take on the caretaker role, fully knowing that Nezumi in his pain is gonna lash out at him.
4. Shion does not put his life on hold. Shion takes on an incredibly important role in rebuilding No. 6, he shoulders a massive amount of responsibility as a core member of the Reconstruction Committee. He’s not just sitting around pining. As for the waiting? No one ever said he has to wait, but again, he chose to do so. I don’t understand why this is a problem?
5. The dynamics of a same-gender couple often differ from the dynamics of an opposite-gender couple because of the way people of different genders are socialized and the different ways same-gender and opposite-gender couples are treated by culture. A relationship between two men has different power dynamics than a relationship between a man and a woman. This isn’t to say abuse can’t happen - again, Nezumi’s behavior is inexcusable - but there’s more shit going on here. Thanks for playing.
What I’m getting at is, abuse is messy as FUCK. The fallout is messy. I’ve seen it in my own relationships and I’ve seen it in the relationships of my friends and my roommates and other people in my community. Abuse begets abuse. It takes a long time and a lot of hard work for an abuse survivor to mend their relationship with themself, and their relationships with other people.
Nezumi is sixteen, he has been alone and hurting and abused for a long time, he’s a survivor of a fucking genocide. He’s SIXTEEN. He has had ZERO time to clean his shit up, he has never had anyone to tell him it’s not okay because abuse is all he knows. In the canon timeline there is literally no way for him to interact on a close personal level with anyone without him being an abusive fuck because that’s literally the only kind of interpersonal interaction he can remember experiencing.
So what would you have happen? What should happen to people like that? Do they deserve to be alone for the rest of their lives because they hurt other people? I’m serious, this is a real issue here and a real contentious question: what do you do with dangerous, damaged people?
No one should ever be forced to deal with a person like that, of course. No one should ever be pressured into or trapped in a relationship with a volatile person. But there are people in the world who choose to interact with people like that anyway, of their own free will, fully knowing what they are getting themselves into - teachers, parents and family members, social workers, therapists, friends, and occasionally in very rarely successful ventures, romantic partners.
People like Nezumi will never recover if they’re not given a proper support system and a new social framework for interpreting the world. That’s a fact. The choices in dealing with people like that are either isolate them from other people and leave them alone to die, or find someone who is willing to help them. A romantic partner taking on that role very rarely works because romance is a more “selfish” type of relationship than that between a parent and child or a social worker and client - in a romantic relationship, the caretaker partner is inevitably going to want reciprocation of some form. More often than not, it’s not gonna work out because it’s HARD to be in a romantic relationship with an abuse survivor, believe me, I know from personal experience. But there are people who can do it. There are times relationships like that work.
That sort of relationship is idealized in No. 6. Shion is a best-case-scenario caretaker partner because literally nothing Nezumi does fazes him, he’s so fucking strong he can deal with all of Nezumi’s bullshit without breaking a sweat. That’s a million-to-one sort of relationship. And that’s the draw of seeing it in fiction. We like to see larger-than-life romances in our fiction, the vast majority of fictional romance is an idealization of some form.
I’ve said it on my blog before: a lot of what attaches me to the Nezumi/Shion relationship is wish-fulfillment because I want to find someone who can be my Shion. I’ve got a shitton of emotional baggage and I need someone who can deal with that without succumbing to it themselves. So assuming you’re not the same halfwit anon as before, maybe I was too harsh and rude in the opening of this response, but this hits WAY too close to home for me to not take it personally.
Understand? Relationships are messy. Abuse is messy. Relationships with abuse survivors are EXTRA messy. With people like Nezumi and like myself, it takes TIME and WORK for relationships to start being healthy and functional. Not every relationship is going to be healthy, that’s the reality of it. No. 6 as a series doesn’t gloss over Nezumi being a messed-up little PTSD shit and neither do I, but understand that while his canon relationship with Shion is unhealthy, there is potential for a future relationship to be far better, when Nezumi isn’t sixteen, when he’s learned more about himself and how he relates to others, when time and distance allow in equal parts for him to start to heal from the wounds inflicted on him and perpetuated by living in the shadow of No. 6, and for him to realize that Shion makes him a better person, Shion makes him happy, and if he’s ever fucking gonna get better he needs Shion in his life.
Their relationship works because Shion chooses to be the caretaker and is strong enough to fulfill the role, and because Nezumi - slowly, haltingly, tentatively - allows Shion to love him, and comes to love him in return. Nezumi within the canon timeline changes his entire definition of himself because of his relationship with Shion, so why can’t he change himself and his behavior for the better in the context of a future relationship?
i hate talking about feminism to people i care about because i can hear myself sounding like a stereotypical caricature of a feminist every time i try to say something, and i can feel them rolling their eyes at me and thinking that i’m being ridiculous
it’s like i can FEEL myself becoming a punchline for a joke about feminists and it is so scary
nerds that have school tomorrow:
I so much hate the dichotomy of
"Feminism is women’s choices leave women alone and never be critical of them!"
"If it’s anti-feminist in origin or has any problematic aspect then you have to reject it or you’re a bad woman!"
There ARE legitimate critiques of things like make up and high heels and the damage they can do physically and the societal expectations that are required of women and female-presenting people
There ARE legitimate reasons why feminist-identifying, self-loving, socially aware women might choose to engage in problematic aspects of femininity
These aren’t incompatible
You can know that shaving your legs is rooted in the infantilization of women and unnecessary marketing without shaming women who like to or have to do it
You can choose to shave your legs for intensely personal reasons and still be conscious of its uncomfortable origins and the stigma faced by women who choose differently
The two extremes make it way too easy to ignore very real sexist trends on the one and, and to dismiss large swaths of womanhood on the other
Neither of those are good things
im all about cute girls who could probably beat me up